Well, three months ago, I posted about our cancer journey. At that time, we'd not gotten great news, but basically a report that it was "about as good as it's going to get."So, for three months, Ben had amazing quality of life. The pills, while riddled with their own brand of side effects, came nowhere close to the misery of the IV chemotherapy. Ben enjoyed somewhat better sleep, a better overall feeling of health, and a generally happier (seemingly) demeanor. He still suffered the diarrhea and tummy troubles, along with troubles in the hands and feet, but it just wasn't near as bad as the IV chemo.
On June 4th, that came to an end.
He had a new P.E.T. scan on June 1st. I prayed that God would suck the cancer out of Ben and make the scan clear. I asked everyone I know to pray for similar. But, God said, "no".
On June 4th, we found out that the cancer tumors are, again, active. Once more, it's back to the IV chemotherapy. It's back to the side effects that are more debilitating, the more upset tummy, the more traumatized digestive system. We are back to 3 days out of every 14 of sitting in the cancer center, waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for blood tests. Waiting for the pharmacy to pull up the medication. Waiting for the drip, drip, drip of life-saving medication that simultaneously destroys cancer and wrecks healthy cells.
But, you know what?
We had 3. Good. Months.
We had 3 months of loveliness. Of energy, and laughter, and feeling like life was kinda-sorta-almost-maybe normal. It was bliss.
And I am grateful to the LORD of all creation that we had those 3 months. He gave us a breather. I needed it.
So, as I post this, we are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. When I was first told that Ben had colon cancer, the only things I knew about that type of cancer wrapped around my brain stem and strangled all rational thought and I stammered to God, "please, let me celebrate my 25th anniversary with him. Please don't call him home."
And here we are, prayer answered. Perhaps I should have aimed for the stars! But, I didn't. I aimed for tomorrow. And you know what, Jesus even told us to stop worrying about tomorrow. He's amazing and I'm not. I can't quite stop worrying.
This coming Thursday begins the next cancer chapter. A new medication will be used, one that doesn't cause neuropathy in his hands and feet. However, it definitively causes hair loss. When the doctor shared that, Ben silently took out the scale of "which one is less worse" and weighed the options. You could see it in his eyes as he pondered the choices. Ultimately, he chose hair loss.
My prayer for him is unchanged. God is Jehovah Rophe. He is the Great Healer. I am praying for earthly healing. I am also praying for acceptance of God's ultimate plan. I know the odds. Ben does too. But, we are still asking for earthly healing.
So, as the journey starts again, I return to the verse of hope for me, the verse I read over our 2nd son as he graduated in May. I share it, again, with you. Because, you wanna know something really cool?
God ALWAYS keeps His promises. You can bank on that.
God is good,
All the time.
And all the time,
God is good.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NASB)
*Graphic at beginning of page is from the website Free Vintage Images. All credit for the lovely image belongs to them.
