On the 3rd day of Christmas...

On the third day of Christmas, the Father gave to all -- 
  prayers at Gethsemane,
  the veil torn in two, 
  and His Son to save us from our sins. 

Before His crucifixion, in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed about the upcoming task for Him.  In His prayers, He deferred His feelings on the task to that of the Father's will.  What an amazing prayer pattern Jesus defined for us here!

When Benjamin and I found out in January 2016 that his chemo was probably no longer effective, I felt completely defeated.  By March 2016 the ineffective chemo was verified and we knew that Benjamin was going to succumb to cancer.  There were so many struggles with this revelation and I eventually landed on "let's pretend it isn't happening and God will just heal him."  Not the most useful of decisions, I must say, but it's who I am.

In July 2016, Benjamin ended up in the hospital with a bowel blockage -- a common problem for colon cancer patients, apparently.  I thought he would die in the hospital, and I suspect Benjamin thought it too, though neither one of us spoke it.  He was admitted on a Friday and every day until Tuesday or so was pure pain and misery for him.

Then on Wednesday, Benjamin seemingly perked up.  That night, we sat up for a long time -- until well after 2am -- with our Bible apps open (I hadn't had the presence of mind to bring my Bible to the hospital) discussing Scripture.  Ben said, "I accept God's will for my life, but I wish I could have the assurance that all of this pain and suffering has a purpose."

I said, "I really believe God called me to blog about this journey with cancer, but I'm having all kinds of second thoughts about.  I wish He could reassure me too."

Not long after we each said that, the gastroenterologist whom Benjamin would be using came in and introduced himself. We proceeded to talk about faith, the LORD's work in the world, and the LORD's work in our lives.  He looked at Benjamin and flatly said, "you cannot see it now, but your suffering has a purpose."  He then went on to say that our lives and way the LORD was working through this storm was being watched by others and was important.

After he left, Benjamin said, "I've never felt the Holy Spirit move like that before."  I said, "neither have I."  Not once in all that time did a nurse come in and interrupt.   The LORD of all creation visited our hospital room in the person of the Holy Spirit to answer our questions through the words of another believer.

As Benjamin's life wound down and I lost the man he was to someone consumed by massive dosages of medications, I tried to repeatedly recall that night in the hospital.  God's will for Benjamin's life and His will for our family did not align when my personal desires.  It reminded me of Jesus' prayers that focused on the LORD's will for a situation.  It also reminded me that Jesus knows exactly what I'm feeling.

I deeply appreciate the prayers of the Garden of Gethsemane in the Bible.

Matthew 26:36-46 NASB -- The Garden of Gethsemane

³⁶ Then Jesus *came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and *said to His disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” ³⁷ And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and distressed. ³⁸ Then He *said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.”
³⁹ And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.” ⁴⁰ And He *came to the disciples and *found them sleeping, and *said to Peter, “So, you men could not keep watch with Me for one hour? ⁴¹ Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
⁴² He went away again a second time and prayed, saying, “My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Your will be done.” ⁴³ Again He came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. ⁴⁴ And He left them again, and went away and prayed a third time, saying the same thing once more. ⁴⁵ Then He *came to the disciples and *said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Behold, the hour is at hand and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. ⁴⁶ Get up, let us be going; behold, the one who betrays Me is at hand!”


*Graphic at beginning of page is from the website The Graphics Fairy.  All credit for the lovely image belongs to them.