Stormy News

It is 5 June in the year of our LORD 2016.  Our family has now been on this cancer journey for 21 months.

In the book Daniel chapter 3 is the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego.  Now this is a story I'd heard as a child.  I had a memory of the story, but I had apparently not ever actually read the story as listed in the Bible.  A bit of a failure on my part, I suppose.

Anyway, not long ago something came across my Facebook feed about this passage and the author mentioned something she'd not noticed before.  Lo and behold, I'd not ever seen it either.  I've since read it a couple of times because it's presence resonates with me whilst on this journey.

In short, the story is of 3 young men who chose to worship the LORD.  The king of their time, Nebuchadnezzar, built an image of gold and decreed that when the music played, everyone was to fall down and worship this image.  As the story goes, the 3 young men did not fall down and were reported to the king.  He demanded their compliance, but they refused.  Below, is what they said as taken from the NASB version of the Bible, Daniel 3:16-18.

¹⁶ Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter. ¹⁷ If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. ¹⁸ But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”

Verse 18 is the "it" to which I refer above.  These 3 young men declared that "if it be so", God would save them.  Then, in verse 18, they acknowledge that it might NOT be in God's will to save them.  But either way, they were serving the LORD and not a created idol by the king.

This is interesting to me, because this is how I've taken to praying regarding Ben's health.  I pray for full earthly healing and abatement of pain, but I follow that with "if it be in Your will."  It is heartening to read a story in which the heroes hold the same prayer pattern.  

The last time I posted, Ben's cancer marker had declined from 34 to 33.  I celebrated this number because it was a ray of hope, a feeling that perhaps it IS in God's will to heal Ben.  That, perhaps, we will emerge on the other side of the stormy valley with a great healing testimony.

Well, all that came crashing down this past Friday.  It's been a month since we heard Ben's CEA value.  And, on Friday, we learned that the CEA value had risen to a whopping 62.  62.  A hope-crushing revelation I was utterly and completely unprepared to hear.  I felt like someone dropped an anvil on me.  For a moment in time, I floated away from the sterile room to the Throne of Grace and cried, "why".

I cried in the doctor's office, I cried later in the afternoon with my head resting on Ben's tired chest, and I cried myself to sleep that night.  In the midst of that, Ben decided he wanted to go to the final weekend of the Georgia Renaissance Festival.  He was unable to rise Saturday morning due to pain.  Sunday was the absolute final day.  Praise be to God, we made it.  

Rain chance at the Festival was 80%.  There wasn't a drop to be had.  It was a cool, breezy 80 degrees Fahrenheit -- it actually felt very nice.  It was mostly cloudy, hiding the sun away from Ben's sensitive skin. Ben's pain was manageable and we didn't have to leave early.  We sat and listened to music, jokes, drums.  We held hands.  We walked.  We were.

It felt like the LORD said, "I want you two to have this day together, to hold hands, to be a couple.  It's storming; take some rest."

I declare the same as the boys before Nebuchadnezzar.  No matter what the LORD's will is, no matter what earthly pain it may inflict on me, I will worship the LORD.  He is my Rock, my Salvation, my Banner, my Protector, my Provider, my Comforter, my Savior.  I love Him.  I trust Him.  I will not give Him up.

This is a busy week, upcoming.  On 7 June, Ben will have another P.E.T. scan.  On 8 June, we will learn the results and a decision on future chemo and/or medical trials will be considered.  On 9 June, we celebrate our 26th anniversary together.

After that?  It's in the hands of the LORD, the Creator of heaven and earth.

Psalm 28:7 NASB

⁷ The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart exults,
And with my song I shall thank Him.

*Graphic at beginning of page is from the website The Graphics Fairy.  All credit for the lovely image belongs to them.